Rigidity and Flexibility
I’ve found myself thinking a lot about the concepts of rigidity vs. flexibility lately. Flexibility is important from a physical health standpoint. I’ve come to experience firsthand just how vital it is to maintain it in my early 40s. Without consistent practices, that flexibility erodes quickly, and I find myself feeling stiff, sore, and sometimes even in pain.
When I work with clients, I enjoy incorporating principles from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (or ACT). ACT revolves around six essential processes that are core to maintaining and developing psychological flexibility, often illustrated by what’s called the “hexaflex.”
The concept of flexibility really resonates when I work with people around financial anxieties and traumas. I notice that rigid money beliefs can lead to harmful views, not just about money, but about people’s relationships with it, and ultimately, with themselves.
Some common rigid narratives I hear are: “I’ve always been bad with money” or “I’m the money person in the relationship.” On the surface, these may seem like just stories but emotionally, they can carry a lot of weight.
Take “I’ve always been bad with money.” This often contributes to feelings of anxiety, guilt, shame, and overwhelm. Those feelings frequently lead to avoidance or compulsive behaviors like constantly checking financial accounts which only tends to reinforce the stress and shame.
Now let’s consider the other narrative: “I’m the money person in the relationship.” In partnerships, I often see this tied to feelings of resentment, loneliness, stress, overwhelm, or frustration. These emotions and narratives can spark arguments about money or lead to avoidance and either way, the outcomes are rarely healthy.
So, how do we move from rigidity to flexibility?
Just like physical health requires strength training and stretching, psychological flexibility requires consistent practice. A good starting point is becoming aware of the stories we tell ourselves just noticing them without judgment. From there, we can ask: “Is this story helping me live the kind of life I want?” If the answer is no, that opens the door to movement and flexibility.
This doesn’t mean bulldozing over your emotions or pretending they don’t exist. ACT emphasizes acceptance and making space for discomfort instead of fighting it. When we stop struggling against anxiety or shame, we open up the possibility of taking values-based actions that align with what really matters to us.
So maybe instead of “I’ve always been bad with money,” we try: “I’m learning to engage with money differently.” Instead of “I have to handle all the money stuff in our relationship,” we ask: “How can we build a more collaborative approach?”
Psychological flexibility isn’t about becoming perfectly calm or always having it together. It’s about building the capacity to stay present, acknowledge what’s happening, and take action in a direction that feels meaningful even when it’s hard.
If financial stress has left you feeling stuck or overwhelmed, you’re not alone and you don’t have to navigate those feelings by yourself. Financial therapy can be a space to untangle those narratives and build a more balanced, empowered relationship with money and with yourself.
