Consistency
I’ll start with a silly jab at myself: my consistency in writing this blog has been… anything but consistent. But that’s exactly the point of this post.
Consistency is important. Whether we’re talking about money or relationships, consistency is what helps us feel safe, build trust, and make long-term progress.
Why Consistency Matters with Money
Consistency in managing your money is essential for building financial stability and achieving long-term goals. Regularly tracking expenses, saving a portion of your income, and sticking to a budget help create predictable financial patterns that reduce stress and improve decision making. Over time, consistent financial habits accumulate, leading to increased savings, reduced debt, and greater confidence in your financial future. Establishing and maintaining consistency also helps develop discipline, making it easier to adapt to unexpected expenses without losing control of your finances. Ultimately, consistency is the foundation for emotional well-being and a healthier relationship with money.
Understanding Attachment Theory
Consistency is also important with our relationships. One lens in which I like to have clients look at things through is utilizing attachment theory. It is a framework of psychology that John Bowlby developed where he observed the interactions between caregivers and infants to establish what kinds of attachments children would form to their caregivers. Mary Ainsworth expanded on his research later on and it has further been expanded to how this applies to adult to adult relationships.
The 4 Attachment Styles
Out of all of this research have come four established categories of attachment: Secure, Anxious-Ambivalent, Dismissive/Avoidant, or Disorganized. A simple way I like to think about these attachment styles and what creates them is like this: Secure = High warmth, high structure (balance; safe and consistent).
Ambivalent/Anxious = High warmth, low structure (emotional availability but inconsistency)
Dismissive/Avoidant = Low warmth, high structure (rigidity without emotional responsiveness)
Disorganized = Low warmth, low structure (chaotic, unpredictable)
Building Secure Attachment with your Finances
The best environment for us to thrive in relationship with other humans is by having a secure attachment. Our relationship with our money is no different. We require a level of stability and consistency and flexibility.
Here are actionable steps when I think about building a secure attachment with your finances:
Automate saving and investing. (structure)
Develop a practice of self compassion. (warmth)
Create regular routine around your spending, budgeting and reviewing your finances. (consistency)
Stay flexible! Unexpected financial events will come up for all of us. Ride through those rough periods while not losing sight of the process that helped you develop healthy financial practices.
Final Thoughts
Consistency helps us thrive. We need it in our relationships with each other as well as in our relationship with money. Understanding your attachment style with finances can help you create a healthy and confident relationship with money. If you’d like support in building financial consistency and security, financial therapy can help you connect the dots between money and emotional well-being.
